Happiness

The last 4 weeks have been nothing short of maddening. My part-time work magically expanded to fill up most of my weekday hours, leaving me with just enough time to be with Mira and nothing beyond that. The squeaking dining chair, the over-exhausted chandelier bulbs and the constantly depleting kitchen stocks are proofs of the long hours I spent on my laptop, wondering what possibly could be the best way of camouflaging an age old formula into something new and out of the box.

But to be honest, let me confess that the volume of work wasn’t really that much. It is largely my work-out-of-home profile that has robbed me of a simulating work environment leaving me with just me alone to think, plan, rectify, learn and move ahead. Though a lot of fun in the beginning with no rigid work schedules and no pair of eyes constantly watching over me, working out of home has lately left me with lots to desire. At a simple level, it is just the pleasure of leaning over a colleague’s cubicle to figure out the latest – if she managed to catch the last day sale at the local hip store, whether her long-drawn out strategy could win us the pitch the other day or whether her annoying client has been rightfully demoted and shifted to an obscure profile given all his unreasonable atrocities on us. At a higher level, it is the joy of working in a team – while brainstorming a strategy, cracking a brief, fighting for an idea, celebrating a success or sulking over a failure. But now, working from home, everything is so very distant – any applause or abuse just loses its intensity by the time it gets onto a skype installed computer or a mobile phone and reaches my eager-to-find-out ears. Learning has become so much slower with me hardly being able to access the dozens of ideas that are constantly being churned out by seniors, juniors and colleagues – some which adorn the biggest of campaigns while some which are left out to be used for some other brand at some other time.

But, having said all that, believe me I am not really unhappy. Yes, there are times when I wonder the rate at which I am learning or the pace at which my career is growing? Whether my batch-mate from Pune is at a level higher in the organization or whether my ex-colleague’s bank balance has grown heavier than mine? But largely, on a day to day basis, it just doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I feel the clarity that has slowly crept into my life post Mira. I realize that my path to ultimate happiness might not be the same as my closest friends today, just because we started off with similar aspirations and goals a few years back. I realize that I can choose not to be in the corporate race even if all the people I know of are running it with the single most focus in their lives. I realize that the fact that I am good needs absolutely no verification – not from a person and certainly not from a job.

I realize that we all have our different definitions of happiness and that for me it surely doesn’t lie in a high-paying job laden with unpredictable traveling plans and long working hours. At least not for now, not at this point in time. It surely doesn’t lie in being a housewife either, but it belongs somewhere in between. It lies in a life that gives me a good amount of time with Mira – the most beautiful person in my life accompanied with a way of giving vent to my knowledge– an employment which gives me a bit of identity, financial independence and mental growth. It is a trade-off that I am so very comfortable with - it might not offer the best of money or growth but it does give me the time and opportunity to experience Mira first hand, to be there when she wants me and to be there when she doesn’t want me. And that is true happiness for me – happiness which is there for me today and will hopefully continue to be for times to come.